Entering the Marital Bond - Finding a suitable Spouse

Entering the Marital Bond - Finding a suitable Spouse

Marriage is one of the
most serious and important commitments an individual will make in his
lifetime. It is a bond that once established, cannot be easily broken.
It is one of the most important relationships in a society, as it is the
building stone of the overall structure. Marriage is so important in
Islam that the Prophet (PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said:
"Whoever marries has completed half of his faith. So let him have fear
of Allaah in the remaining half." [At-Tabaraani] As an act of worship,
Muslims should make the intention to please Allaah, Almighty, during
this process and act in accordance with His laws. Unfortunately, in this
time, more and more Muslim marriages are crumbling, primarily due to
the fact that they were not in conformity with the laws established by
Allaah. The intention to please Allaah was not there from the beginning.
As this is a rather immense topic, it will be spread out over several
issues. Some of the initial components in the process are considered in
the following, with the focus on women who are entering the marital
bond. The presence and guidance of a Wali (guardian - father or whoever
takes his place) is one of the conditions required for soundness of a
marriage contract. The Prophet (PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt his mention )
said: "There is no marriage except with a Wali." [Ahmad, Abu Daawood and
At-Tirmithi] He (PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) also said: "If
any woman marries herself without the permission of her Wali, then her
marriage is void, then her marriage is void, then her marriage is void."
[Ahmad, Abu Daawood and others] The Wali is the one who will be
responsible for finding a suitable spouse for his ward, one who is
religious and an appropriate match. The Wali must be male, mature, of
good moral character, and of the same religion as the woman. In the
ideal situation, the Wali should be the closest male relative of the
woman, so first it has to be the father, if not then it passes to the
closest male relative on the father side, her grandfather, then her son,
then her full brother, then her half brother, then his sons, then
paternal uncles, then their sons, then the father paternal uncles, then
the Muslim Judge. For women who have entered Islam from another
religion, however, it is not acceptable for her non-Muslim father or
other non-Muslim relative to act as her Wali. In this case, the
responsibility falls upon the leader of the community. A woman cannot
choose any person for her Wali. The Prophet (PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt
his mention ) said: "There is no marriage but with a Wali. And the ruler
is the Wali for one who does not have a wali." [Ahmad and others] A
woman should never be forced to accept a marriage proposal. This is very
clear in Islam. If a woman is forced to accept a marriage proposed
against her will, she would have the right either to annul the marriage
or accept and remain in it. Ibn 'Abbaas may Allaah be pleased with him
narrated that a young virgin woman came to the Prophet (PBUH) ( may
Allaah exalt his mention ) and stated that her father had married her
and she disliked it. So the Prophet (PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt his
mention ) gave her the option (to annul the marriage or remain in it).
[Abu Daawood and Ahmad] The relationship between the woman and her Wali
is ideally one of cooperation involving mutual respect and
consideration. Finding a Spouse with Faith and Piety: The Prophet (PBUH)
( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "If someone whose religion and
character you are pleased with comes to you (to marry your daughter or
ward) then marry (her off to) him. If you do not do so, there will be
commotion on the earth, and a great deal of evil." [At-Tirmithi and Ibn
Maajah] The Wali should assist the woman in finding a spouse who has
strong faith and piety, which is reflected in behavior. The happiness of
the marriage often rests upon this important element. One of the goals
of marriage is to find comfort, repose, and security in the
relationship. This goal is more likely to be achieved if each spouse has
fear of Allaah and adheres to Islam. Unfortunately, women often look
for a man who has wealth and letters behind his name (M.D., Ph.D., etc.)
assuming that this will bring them happiness. Although there is no harm
in considering these things, yet it should not be given first priority.
How helpful will that wealth and those letters be when the person is
being disrespectful and uncaring towards his wife? How beneficial will
he be in helping her to fulfill her obligations to Allaah? Women should
carefully arrange their priorities when it comes to selecting a spouse,
for the success and happiness of the marriage may depend on this.
Payment of Mahr (dowry): Payment of the Mahr is also a necessary
condition for soundness of a marriage contract. It is given to the wife
as a way of honoring and respecting her and as a symbol of the husband's
commitment to provide for and take care of his wife. Allaah Says (what
means): "And give the women (upon marriage) their bridal gifts
graciously." [Quran; 4:4] This verse and others establish the obligatory
nature of the Mahr. There is no minimum or maximum amount of Mahr
stated explicitly in either the Quran or Hadeeth. Anything of value is
acceptable as Mahr, regardless of whether it is something material or
something non-material (if the person lacks wealth). The prophet (PBUH) (
may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Search for something, even if it
just be a ring made from iron." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] In fact, the
Mahr could be knowledge of the Quran as related in a popular narration.
The Prophet(PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) accepted the dower of
a person's knowledge of Quran. He said: "Go for I have put her under
your charge (in marriage) due to what you have of the Quran."
[Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] There is no maximum amount of dower as Allaah
Says (what means): "But if you want to replace one wife with another and
you have given one of them a Qintaar (great amount of gold) in gift, do
not take (back) form it anything." [Quran; 4:20] A Qintaar is a very
large amount of gold, which implies that it is allowed to give such
large amounts. The Caliph Umar may Allaah be pleased with him however,
did advise the people at one time not to be excessive with regard to a
woman's dower. The Prophet (PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) also
encouraged people to be easy in this area. He (PBUH) ( may Allaah exalt
his mention ) said: "The best Mahr is the one which is easiest (to be
paid)." [Al-Haakim and Ibn Maajah] Some women request enormous amounts
of money, jewelry, and goods from their prospective husbands, oftentimes
making it impossible for the men to fulfill these requests. Men are
actually foregoing or postponing marriage because they are unable to pay
the "going rate" or to find a woman who is willing to accept a lesser
amount. This creates a great deal of corruption, trial and temptation
not only for individuals, but also for society as a whole. Women should
look beyond their own personal desires and interests and consider
loftier values and benefits.

الموضوع الأصلي : Entering the Marital Bond - Finding a suitable Spouse // المصدر : منــــ اســــ فيب ـــلام ـتديـــات // الكاتب: lamaosama

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